Narendra Modi: Mitron, I’ve decided to cut down on my rallies in Bengal even though drone cameras are making rallies look jam-packed. Never mind, my Mann Ki Baat is reaching lakhs of people anyway.
Sonia Gandhi: I’m an interim president and already distant even from my own party members. Thus, I don’t really need any social distancing.
Amit Shah: Arre bhaiya how will I achieve an ‘opposition mukt Bharat’ if I stop my massive roadshows. Social distancing is meant for Lutyens’ elites, not for me.
Rahul Gandhi: On Twitter, I’ve been saying for months, social distancing is a must. On Twitter, this is a trend. Since I’m on Twitter 24×7, why do I need a roadshow? A tweet a day keeps my followers in play.
Mamata Banerjee: As a true mass leader I usually do padyatras, but confined to a wheelchair I can no longer do them. Now EC has banned me for 24 hours and I’m forcibly distanced from Ma Mati Manush.
Himanta Biswa Sarma: Covid? There’s no Covid in Assam. In case of a hung assembly, I vow not to observe any social distancing whatsoever when it comes to being in contact with MLAs from other parties.
MK Stalin: Just as the polls begin to predict my victory in Tamil Nadu, everyone is talking of social distancing. I refuse to be distant from power any longer.
Pinarayi Vijayan: I have tested Covid positive but Kerala will soon prove it is Pinarayi positive. In my state, nobody can be socially distant from my massive personality cult.
Sitaram Yechury: We comrades have a historic role to play even though some say the Left is socially distant from history. As long as there is politics of Ram, there will always be the politics of Vaam.
Yogi Adityanath: Saazish yeh hai. My Covid positive result is a conspiracy by Didi and the Bengal police to stop me from entering Bengal.
Shashi Tharoor: Social distancing should not descend to being the tactile expression of caste hierarchies in their egregious, misanthropic atavistic forms, as I have argued in my last 5-6 books.
Election Commission: As the neutral umpire, we will give red cards to all opposition leaders who don’t observe social distancing. But when it comes to government leaders, we will give ourselves yellow cards.
This article is intended to bring a smile to your face. Any connection to events and characters in real life is coincidental.
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